This post is all about winning. Winning for you, and winning for me…well, technically not me. For one of the dresses you so kindly helped me choose to wear to next week’s Listen to Your Mother performance. But first, let’s talk about the winning for YOU, because the dress is pretty good at being patient and can wait.
Mother’s Day is around the corner. And just like good mamas take care of their young, what better excuse is there for me to take care of my readers? I have teamed up with my friend Maggie, owner of Jewelry Made by Maggie, who designs and creates some of my favorite pieces in my jewelry box. You want understated, timeless pieces you can wear everyday? She’s got those. Want colorful, trendy statement pieces for a night on the town? She has those, too. I haven’t seen one thing in Maggie’s Etsy store that I don’t love, and my husband is thankful to have a default go-to when gift-giving occasions roll around. You know, gift-giving occasions like Mother’s Day.
Because she is totally awesome, Maggie agreed to help me treat one of my mama readers…or even a reader who just has a mama. Everyone who enters our giveaway gets a chance to win EITHER a Layered Bar Necklace (in silver or gold – valued at $34) OR a Leather Wrap Bracelet with Gold Beads (valued at $30) from Maggie’s Etsy store. Your choice!
This is going to be short and sweet. The Listen To Your Mother St. Louis Show is just 10 days away, and this girl needs to figure out what she will be wearing on stage.
I already have my amazing (and FREE) shoes, compliments of Bronx Diba Shoe Outlet, and I found some equally pop-tastic coral-red jewelry to match (not compliments of Charming Charleys, but cheap enough to be close to free). But I need some help choosing which dress to wear. Here are my four options: Continue reading “Please Be My Fashion Police”→
I didn’t get a real blog post written this week because I spent too much time binge watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt* on Netflix and shopping online for a new area rug after my husband casually mentioned he thought it might be time for a new one. And casually mentioning something like that translates in my head as, “Kelly, I think you should IMMEDIATELY drop everything and spend hours looking at area rugs until you find the perfect one that matches our current decor, but adds just a pop of a new color that we also need new throw pillows for the couch and possibly a new chair. But don’t tell me you’re also shopping for a new chair. Just put a few different options in your wish list basket. And then after we have lived with the new area rug for a month or so and really love it, mention to me that now our chair doesn’t really match the whole new vibe we have going on here. And then I’ll have to say ‘whatever, get a new chair’ …because if you don’t satisfy your obsessive and ongoing need to make over something, you’ll turn your attention to my wardrobe and, damn it, I like my t-shirts from high school with the holes in the armpits.” Continue reading “Hey, I Just Bought An Area Rug…And Other Stuff”→
I spent most of yesterday in an urgent care facility. I had a little bit of a scare, but long story short, all is well. It’s amazing where your mind can go when the small possibility of something horrible is put in front of you. Thankfully, I only had to go there in my mind and not in real life, but I did learn my lesson about taking it a bit easier on myself…which I have not been doing for a few months now. Ya’ll can break out your tiny violins.
So after getting home, instead of sitting down to my computer to hash out a new and entertaining post for this blog, I climbed into my bed, watched my DVR’ed episode of The Walking Dead, and was asleep by 9:30. It was glorious, on all fronts. I am feeling much better now, which is more than I can say for Grimes & Gang in Zombieville.
Only hours remain of 2014. I for one, am sad to see it go. By in large, it treated me well. But it treated my blog even better.
Here is a quick look at the top ten posts of 2014 on Are You Finished Yet?…the ones that garnered the most views. A few are actually from earlier years. Some would say this means my writing has “staying power.” I say it mostly has to do with tagging them with keywords that land them in frequent and weird Google searches. Either way, it’s nice to see some of my favorites seem to have a pretty nice shelf life.
First, I want to give honorable mention to two posts that just missed the top ten, but rank pretty high on my personal list:
“Bad Catholic”(January 2014): You won’t see me talking about religion very often, so get it while it’s hot. This post really seemed to resonate with a lot of folks. So many in fact, I’m wondering if we should break off and start our own “Bad Catholic” sect. Just kidding. Please don’t brand me a heretic. Continue reading “Year in Review: Top Ten AYFY Posts of 2014”→
Oh Christmas Sweater, Oh Christmas Sweater, How ugly are your appliques!
I’m not sure if you are aware, but December 12th is National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day. No, you shut up. It really is.
At least, it is according to the “Make the World Better with a Sweater” campaign by the decades old organization, Save the Children. And if people who have been responsible for improving the lives of kids all over the world since 1919 want me to wear an ugly Christmas sweater, I’m going to wear an ugly Christmas sweater. And I’m going to thank Meredith over at Pile of Babies for alerting me to fact that this day even existed. Because if there is anything I love more than wearing my “Bah Hum Pug” sweater vest, it’s helping out kids who are way cuter than it.
So here is how it works. On December 12th, you wear your ugliest of ugly Christmas sweater all the livelong day. Like, everywhere you go. (I bet all of you who have a trip to Walmart on your agenda just breathed a little easier, because you know nobody is going to even look twice at you there. Those of you who have a job interview scheduled, well, you’ll get ’em next time, Tiger.) Then head over to Save the Children and make a simple donation of $5 or more to help support them in their good works. It is the season of giving after all.
Now I will admit that wearing an ugly Christmas sweater all day will be pretty easy for me, seeing as how I am home with two sick kids and won’t have to subject the public to my bad fashion. But as a show of good faith, here is a video of me, for all the world to see, dancing to “Billie Jean” in my ugly Christmas Sweater at a holiday party this past weekend (I have said that I do a commendable Michael Jackson impression for a thirty-something year old white girl):
In addition, I will donate a portion of the proceeds from all copies of Absolute Mayhem that are bought on December 12th to Save the Children. You can find it at kellysuellentrop.com or on Amazon.
Yet as fantastic as it was, I winced twice when I finally saw my work in all its viral glory. First, my last name was spelled incorrectly. Sigh. It wasn’t a big surprise. It happens often, not only with strangers, but at my children’s school and even with friends I have known for years. Still, there is a little deflation that comes with seeing it misspelled at those times when it kind of matters to you. But I quickly got over that. I mean, it’s Scary Mommy. Continue reading “That Sneaky F-Bomb”→
Only my husband would qualify that as good news. Because he knows what a few more gray hairs mean: he has moved one step closer to being my dream man.
Why?
Very simply stated, I have an unhealthy attraction to old men.
Is this seat taken? Because this would be the cutest beer I would ever have. photo credit: Hindrik S via photopincc
Sometimes it’s more of an adoration, akin to how others might fawn over a baby duckling and a kitten being friends, or squeal at the sight of miniature infant-sized hiking boots. I mean, those boots are exactly.the.same in every way, but just tinier. I never get over it. Just in the way I never get over the overwhelming urge to snuggle with just about every adorable elderly man I see. When my husband and I took a trip to Ireland just over a year ago, I became exhausted from practicing the immense restraint that was needed to NOT hug all the cute old men who seems to overpopulate the country. As I observed:
Cute old men strolling/walking their dogs/riding bikes. These guys are everywhere in Ireland. Everywhere. And one thing you might not know about me is that I am a tad obsessed with cute old men, especially if they are riding bikes, walking dogs, or strolling in little Irish tweed caps. […] I move that we need more of these cute old men on the streets of America. Here, they are all behind the wheels of cars, decreasing the cuteness factor, as well as the safety for all drivers in the vicinity. I may try to start an organization that works to put new shiny bikes in the hands of cute old men everywhere. It would be a step closer to my utopia.
I can’t help it. A cute old man will make me smile every time. Unless he makes me cry…because he can’t open a door, or finally learns how to read, or has to move away from his little three-year-old neighbor and best friend.
So there’s that.
But what is more perplexing is that in addition to being a sucker for the elderly male persuasion, I also tend to focus my crushes on them as well. My list of celebrities who do it for me are all eligible for AARP benefits:
Steve Carell, age 52 – It started with The Office, but he locked down my heart as Gru in Despicable Me. Who knew big-nosed bald guys with dogs named Kyle got me hot and bothered?
Tom Hanks, age 58 – I have never not loved him. Even when he was in Joe Versus the Volcano. And I used to like Helen Hunt until she didn’t go back to him after he had survived a bagillion years on a deserted island, only thinking of her, in Cast Away. Now I just think “stupid wench” whenever I see her.
Tony Shalhoub, age 60 – I’m not sure if it’s really Tony Shalhoub I have a crush on or his legendary character, Adrian Monk. Either way, I’m fishing for an oldie. I spent a lot of Friday nights with Monk. A lot. It was a blessing and a curse.
The Happy Couple – Me and Micky
Micky Dolenz, age 69 – We all know I want to be his girlfriend. Not only is he older than my dad, but he is currently starring in a play called Comedy Is Hard, where he plays an 84-year-old retired comedian in a old folks home. If that doesn’t have heartthrob written all over it, I don’t know what does.
He’s like the Leonardo DiCaprio of the 19th century
Nathaniel Hawthorne, dead – When I used to teach The Scarlet Letter to high school students, I often referred to this revered American author as “Hottie Hawthorne.” I am pretty sure that had I lived in the early to mid-1800’s, I would have gladly brandished the mark of a sinner for a little sumpin’-sumpin’ with this wizard of words.
So finding a few more gray hairs was indeed good news for my husband. In my eyes, it just means he is getting hotter. I can’t wait to see how he is going to look in that tweed cap and sweater vest I’m going to get him for his birthday.
Only my husband would qualify that as good news. Because he knows what a few more gray hairs mean: he has moved one step closer to being my dream man.
Why?
Very simply stated, I have an unhealthy attraction to old men.
Is this seat taken? Because this would be the cutest beer I would ever have. photo credit: Hindrik S via photopincc
Sometimes it’s more of an adoration, akin to how others might fawn over a baby duckling and a kitten being friends, or squeal at the sight of miniature infant-sized hiking boots. I mean, those boots are exactly.the.same in every way, but just tinier. I never get over it. Just in the way I never get over the overwhelming urge to snuggle with just about every adorable elderly man I see. When my husband and I took a trip to Ireland just over a year ago, I became exhausted from practicing the immense restraint that was needed to NOT hug all the cute old men who seem to overpopulate the country. As I observed:
Cute old men strolling/walking their dogs/riding bikes. These guys are everywhere in Ireland. Everywhere. And one thing you might not know about me is that I am a tad obsessed with cute old men, especially if they are riding bikes, walking dogs, or strolling in little Irish tweed caps. […] I move that we need more of these cute old men on the streets of America. Here, they are all behind the wheels of cars, decreasing the cuteness factor, as well as the safety for all drivers in the vicinity. I may try to start an organization that works to put new shiny bikes in the hands of cute old men everywhere. It would be a step closer to my utopia.
I can’t help it. A cute old man will make me smile every time. Unless he makes me cry…because he can’t open a door, or finally learns how to read, or has to move away from his little three-year-old neighbor and best friend.
So there’s that.
But what is more perplexing is that in addition to being a sucker for the elderly male persuasion, I also tend to focus my crushes on them as well. My list of celebrities who do it for me are all eligible for AARP benefits:
Steve Carell, age 52 – It started with The Office, but he locked down my heart as Gru in Despicable Me. Who knew big-nosed bald guys with dogs named Kyle got me hot and bothered?
Tom Hanks, age 58 – I have never not loved him. Even when he was in Joe Versus the Volcano. And I used to like Helen Hunt until she didn’t go back to him after he had survived a bagillion years on a deserted island, only thinking of her, in Cast Away. Now I just think “stupid wench” whenever I see her.
Tony Shalhoub, age 60 – I’m not sure if it’s really Tony Shalhoub I have a crush on or his legendary character, Adrian Monk. Either way, I’m fishing for an oldie. I spent a lot of Friday nights with Monk. A lot. It was a blessing and a curse.
The Happy Couple – Me and Micky
Micky Dolenz, age 69 – We all know I want to be his girlfriend. Not only is he older than my dad, but he is currently starring in a play called Comedy Is Hard, where he plays an 84-year-old retired comedian in a old folks home. If that doesn’t have heartthrob written all over it, I don’t know what does.
He’s like the Leonardo DiCaprio of the 19th century
Nathaniel Hawthorne, dead – When I used to teach The Scarlet Letter to high school students, I often referred to this revered American author as “Hottie Hawthorne.” I am pretty sure that had I lived in the early to mid-1800’s, I would have gladly brandished the mark of a sinner for a little sumpin’-sumpin’ with this wizard of words.
So finding a few more gray hairs was indeed good news for my husband. In my eyes, it just means he is getting hotter. I can’t wait to see how he is going to look in that tweed cap and sweater vest I’m going to get him for his birthday.
Okay, so this post is kind of like a placeholder. I seemed to have forgotten to add “blogging” to my calendar this week, but I did add “randomly redecorating my bedroom,” which has totally been a time suck for the past three days. I almost decided to just ignore you all until next Tuesday, but it always feels like a slippery slope if I skip a week of publishing words on the internet. So this is what you’re getting.
But you know me. I’m going to give you the best damn placeholder I can.
First, BOOK UPDATE!!! (My favorite part.) I have officially finished illustrations for my upcoming children’s book. So, um, that means I, like, am really doing this. Holy crap on a cracker. I don’t have any of them scanned in to show you yet, but here is a photo I took a few weeks ago of me drinking beer while drawing. Yes, folks. When you read your children this book, you can now wonder how many illustrations I drew totally wasted.
This is totally appropriate.
This week I have a meeting to begin working on my new author website, which I will hopefully be sharing with everyone soon! Don’t worry…Are You Finished Yet? isn’t going anywhere. It’s just going to get a new baby sibling.
Second, my writing is going to be featured at some pretty big places in the coming weeks. Where, you ask? Well, you’re just going to have to wait and see. Suspense.built.
Third, the best thing that happened to me in the past week was that my brother and sister-in-law sent me the double feature DVD of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure AND Big Top Pee Wee. It’s like I didn’t even know my life was incomplete until it showed up on my doorstep. And I want to share some of the joy with you. You know you love this scene:
See? Best damned placeholder ever. Have a great rest of the week, folks!
Are You Finished Yet? 