Good Times and Good Guys: I’m So Glad That I Got Them To Think Of

“I’m so glad that I got her to think of.”

Ten deceptively simple, monosyllabic words open the song, “She Makes Me Laugh,” the first new single by The Monkees in twenty years. It literally just walked into the internet release party by way of a Rolling Stone article. But I’ve already cornered it, told it I’ve been waiting forever for it to get here, showed it pictures of my kids, and monopolized its mingling time by asking it to start from the beginning over and over again. Someone better just go grab it a drink from the bar and tell it to get comfortable, because I have zero plans of hanging with anyone else for a while. Continue reading “Good Times and Good Guys: I’m So Glad That I Got Them To Think Of”

If You Wanna Get With Me, Put Away the “Just For Men” Hair Color

“Good news. I found more gray hair.”

Only my husband would qualify that as good news. Because he knows what a few more gray hairs mean: he has moved one step closer to being my dream man.

Why?

Very simply stated, I have an unhealthy attraction to old men.

old men drinking beer
Is this seat taken? Because this would be the cutest beer I would ever have.
photo credit: Hindrik S via photopin cc

Sometimes it’s more of an adoration, akin to how others might fawn over a baby duckling and a kitten being friends, or squeal at the sight of miniature infant-sized hiking boots. I mean, those boots are exactly.the.same in every way, but just tinier. I never get over it. Just in the way I never get over the overwhelming urge to snuggle with just about every adorable elderly man I see. When my husband and I took a trip to Ireland just over a year ago, I became exhausted from practicing the immense restraint that was needed to NOT hug all the cute old men who seem to overpopulate the country. As I observed:

Cute old men strolling/walking their dogs/riding bikes. These guys are everywhere in Ireland. Everywhere. And one thing you might not know about me is that I am a tad obsessed with cute old men, especially if they are riding bikes, walking dogs, or strolling in little Irish tweed caps. […] I move that we need more of these cute old men on the streets of America. Here, they are all behind the wheels of cars, decreasing the cuteness factor, as well as the safety for all drivers in the vicinity. I may try to start an organization that works to put new shiny bikes in the hands of  cute old men everywhere. It would be a step closer to my utopia.

I can’t help it. A cute old man will make me smile every time. Unless he makes me cry…because he can’t open a door, or finally learns how to read, or has to move away from his little three-year-old neighbor and best friend.

So there’s that.

But what is more perplexing is that in addition to being a sucker for the elderly male persuasion, I also tend to focus my crushes on them as well. My list of celebrities who do it for me are all eligible for AARP benefits:

steve carell
photo credit: ElHormiguero via photopin cc

Steve Carell, age 52 – It started with The Office, but he locked down my heart as Gru in Despicable Me. Who knew big-nosed bald guys with dogs named Kyle got me hot and bothered?

tom hanks
photo credit: aphrodite-in-nyc via photopin cc

Tom Hanks, age 58 – I have never not loved him. Even when he was in Joe Versus the Volcano. And I used to like Helen Hunt until she didn’t go back to him after he had survived a bagillion years on a deserted island, only thinking of her, in Cast Away. Now I just think “stupid wench” whenever I see her.

tony shalhoub monk
photo credit: Hot Rod Homepage via photopin cc

Tony Shalhoub, age 60 – I’m not sure if it’s really Tony Shalhoub I have a crush on or his legendary character, Adrian Monk. Either way, I’m fishing for an oldie. I spent a lot of Friday nights with Monk. A lot. It was a blessing and a curse.

micky dolenz meet and greet
The Happy Couple – Me and Micky

 Micky Dolenz, age 69 – We all know I want to be his girlfriend. Not only is he older than my dad, but he is currently starring in a play called Comedy Is Hard, where he plays an 84-year-old retired comedian in a old folks home. If that doesn’t have heartthrob written all over it, I don’t know what does.

nathaniel hawthorne
He’s like the Leonardo DiCaprio of the 19th century

Nathaniel Hawthorne, dead – When I used to teach The Scarlet Letter to high school students, I often referred to this revered American author as “Hottie Hawthorne.” I am pretty sure that had I lived in the early to mid-1800’s, I would have gladly brandished the mark of a sinner for a little sumpin’-sumpin’ with this wizard of words.

So finding a few more gray hairs was indeed good news for my husband. In my eyes, it just means he is getting hotter. I can’t wait to see how he is going to look in that tweed cap and sweater vest I’m going to get him for his birthday.

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I Think I Might Finally Be a Celebrity Girlfriend.

I have a secret admirer…who is not so secret. Look at what I received in the mail over the weekend:

Micky Dolenz
It reads, “To Kelly – Cool! Micky Dolenz” Cool? Guys, does that mean he thinks I’m cool? That’s like three steps above the “Text Me” conversation heart.

It may appear to simply be an autographed head shot of one Micky Dolenz of The Monkees. However, this was an UNSOLICITED autographed head shot of one Micky Dolenz of The Monkees. As in, I did not request or purchase this. It just appeared in my mailbox over Valentine’s weekend.
Continue reading “I Think I Might Finally Be a Celebrity Girlfriend.”

Confessions of Childhood: My Barbie Was a Floozy

Saturday mornings were strictly reserved for three things at my house when I was growing up. Cereal. Cartoons. And Barbies. In that order. After stuffing our bellies with Rice Krispies and catching up with the “Muppet Babies” and “The Snorks,” my sister and I would retreat to our room for hours of play with America’s beloved doll.

But there is something I feel the need to confess after so many years Continue reading “Confessions of Childhood: My Barbie Was a Floozy”

How MTV Led Me to Tulsa, Oklahoma

I was one of those savagely underprivileged children who did not have cable growing up. Thankfully, I had grandparents who did, and it was at their house where I would gorge myself on Nickelodeon shows likeMr. Wizard” and “You Can’t Do That On Television” to hold me over until my next visit. And, like any good red-blooded preteen of the time, I wanted my MTV.

mtvIn the mid-80’s, MTV was a fantastic bizarre of sequins, neon, hairspray, androgyny, and synthesizers. I didn’t care that Boy George Continue reading “How MTV Led Me to Tulsa, Oklahoma”

“(I’m Not Your) Live-In Maid”: A Music Parody for Fed-Up Parents

Well, I’m not very timely in fulfilling my promises. But it is finished. As promised.

A while back I said I would make a new music video as a follow-up to “My Van is Stacked.” So I am here to make good on my promise. Hopefully you will forgive my tardiness. Writing/directing/producing/performing/editing a music video I’m not getting paid for has a way of taking Continue reading ““(I’m Not Your) Live-In Maid”: A Music Parody for Fed-Up Parents”

You Asked for It: “(I’m Not Your) Live-In Maid”

Well, I’m not very timely in fulfilling my promises. But it is finished. As promised.

A while back I said that if you all helped me reach 320 followers, I would make a new music video as a follow-up to “My Van is Stacked.” Not only did you help me reach that number, but exceed it. So I am here to make good on my promise. Hopefully you will forgive my tardiness. Writing/directing/producing/performing/editing a music video I’m not getting paid for has a way of taking Continue reading “You Asked for It: “(I’m Not Your) Live-In Maid””

How to Enjoy MonkeeCon on $5 a Day

I survived my first (and likely only) fan convention.

Ape at Monkee Convention
So this happened…

Last summer I posted about my excitement after my husband bought me a ticket to the Davy Jones Memorial Monkees Convention in Newark, New Jersey for our anniversary. Three days of all Monkees, all the time. At first, this sounded wicked awesome. Yet as time went by, I began to become a bit leery. I may be the biggest Monkee fan that anyone who has met me has ever known, but put me up against other Monkee fans, and I Continue reading “How to Enjoy MonkeeCon on $5 a Day”

The Memory of Sparkly Shoes: The Monkees 2012 Tour

A pair of sparkly shoes. Images of a rainbow room. Three companions leading me on a journey full of magic and awe. It wasn’t Oz. It was even better.

I am currently coming off of a high from this weekend, for I witnessed the greatest concert of my life TWICE. Once in Chicago. Once in Cleveland. By now, you should know me well enough to know I am talking about The Monkees. It happened. Micky Dolenz, Peter Tork, and…wait for it…Mike “Papa Nez” Nesmith. On stage. Together. Pinch me. Continue reading “The Memory of Sparkly Shoes: The Monkees 2012 Tour”

A Re-Gift to My Dad

red forman that 70's showToday my dad turns sixty years old. Over the years, I have drawn comparisons of him to many different people. A slave driver. A jail warden. The big, giant, scary, fire and brimstone floating wizard head in The Wizard of Oz. Okay, okay…I kid. But he does do a spot-on impersonation of my Great Aunt Ginny eating. And he was calling the majority of the world’s Continue reading “A Re-Gift to My Dad”