Ugly Christmas Sweater + Billie Jean = Can Not Look Away

Oh Christmas Sweater, Oh Christmas Sweater,
How ugly are your appliques!

I’m not sure if you are aware, but December 12th is National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day. No, you shut up. It really is.

2014-12-11 17.01.41At least, it is according to the “Make the World Better with a Sweater” campaign by the decades old organization, Save the Children. And if people who have been responsible for improving the lives of kids all over the world since 1919 want me to wear an ugly Christmas sweater, I’m going to wear an ugly Christmas sweater. And I’m going to thank Meredith over at Pile of Babies for alerting me to fact that this day even existed. Because if there is anything I love more than wearing my “Bah Hum Pug” sweater vest, it’s helping out kids who are way cuter than it.

So here is how it works. On December 12th, you wear your ugliest of ugly Christmas sweater all the livelong day. Like, everywhere you go. (I bet all of you who have a trip to Walmart on your agenda just breathed a little easier, because you know nobody is going to even look twice at you there. Those of you who have a job interview scheduled, well, you’ll get ’em next time, Tiger.) Then head over to Save the Children and make a simple donation of $5 or more to help support them in their good works. It is the season of giving after all.

Now I will admit that wearing an ugly Christmas sweater all day will be pretty easy for me, seeing as how I am home with two sick kids and won’t have to subject the public to my bad fashion. But as a show of good faith, here is a video of me, for all the world to see, dancing to “Billie Jean” in my ugly Christmas Sweater at a holiday party this past weekend (I have said that I do a commendable Michael Jackson impression for a thirty-something year old white girl):

In addition, I will donate a portion of the proceeds from all copies of Absolute Mayhem that are bought on December 12th to Save the Children. You can find it at or on Amazon.

So go forth, my children. Be ugly. Save a child.


Find out more about National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day at

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Four Score and Seven Lies Ago…

michael jackson
Don’t you see the family resemblance?

When I was in the first grade, I told everyone that Michael Jackson was my cousin. Before you get too excited, that statement is unequivocally false. I have no idea why I said it. Could I have already felt the push to be cool even as a fledgling student? Anyway, an immediate divide occurred among my classmates: my supporters versus my non-supporters. Heated debates on the playground raged as to whether a black person and a white person could be related. At this point, I am sure I felt pretty caught in the lie, and I fessed up to the truth. Surprisingly, I was not shunned as a crooked liar for those next eight years that I coexisted with these children. Some, even in the face of defeat, continued to argue in my favor that I could be Michael Jackson’s cousin if we traced my family tree back far enough.

Does the story sound familiar? I think it does. We hear it all the time. Nixon, Clinton, Blagojevich, Spitzer, Craig, Edwards, and most recently Weiner. A politician lies (which means he’s breathing – hehe), the country goes at each other’s throats trying to prove their side is right, the politician admits to the lie, some people argue that the lie is irrelevant anyway, and eventually we all move on. All the while, real problems go unsolved.

abraham lincoln
Sorry, Honest Abe. Politics ain’t what they used to be.

It will be a rare occurrence that I blog about politics…unless it is a rant against the politics keeping The Monkees out of The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (I told you they would pop up now and again – see my page “Why I Like Bananas“). I am not much for politics. In my opinion, politics are what is wrong with government. Too much “my side is right,” not enough, “let’s see if we can compromise.” Too much abuse of power, not enough empowering the country. Too much feeling I am above the law, not enough making laws that will help our people. It’s enough to cause disillusion. And that’s about where I am at with the whole thing; I have a feeling a good portion of the country is behind me.

I am aware there are people who will chide me for my apathy. I know I should care more. I know I should read more newspapers and less Sandra Boynton. I know I should watch more CNN and watch less Real Housewives. I know I should, but I don’t. I am glad there are people out there still passionate about politics, because we obviously need someone to run this country. I just wish more of the sincere, level-headed citizens of that passionate crop were the ones elevated to office: more Atticus Finches and less Svengalis. Perhaps there will come a time when I find the desire to change a crooked system. After all, my mom, who I pretty much never heard utter even the word “politics” growing up, has now become seriously active in a political campaign. Her kids all moved out, and she decided it was time to put her mark on the larger world. Maybe that will happen to me…maybe.

In the meantime, I will likely tune out when the news anchor reports on the latest politician caught in a scandal. I will get a queasy feeling when I hear a Democrat and Republican calling each other idiots for having a difference of opinion. And I will head to the polls only to stare at the ballot and sigh, because I don’t like any of my choices.

Now I think I might go listen to “Christ for President” by Wilco and ponder what life would be like with Atticus Finch as president…and Michael Jackson as my cousin.