Sandra Boynton – Are You Finished Yet?

Golly gee. I wasn’t expecting this. I don’t have anything prepared. Well, I just have so many people to thank. Oh, I know I’m going to forget someone. Let’s see. Um. First, I have to thank my parents for all those things like love and support and stuff, and for buying me my own word processor to take to college so I didn’t have to wait for an open computer in the lab whenever the writing bug bit me…the one that made a horrifically loud screeching noise when it would print at a snail’s pace, waking up my roommates any time I would finish a paper in the wee hours of the morning. And I want to thank the big guy of course. No, not THAT big guy. MY big guy. That 6’6 husband of mine, who used to love reading my latest blog, telling me each one was better than the last, but who I think now is getting kind of tired of them. But he makes windows, so what does he know? Then there’s that other Big Guy. The G-O-D. I mean, that’s a given, right? And I want to thank my fifth grade teacher Mrs. Stehly, who was actually quite crabby and mean a good chunk of the time, but who used to march around the room chanting, “Person! Number! Gender! Case!” Consequently, my writing is usually on the correct side of grammar. And then there’s…oh no, the music already? You’re playing me off? But wait! I still need to thank Leslie at Simply Better for nominating me in the first place. Oh great, here comes Will Smith’s daughter to usher me off. Man those kids get so many gigs because of their famous parents. Geez. OH, that reminds me…wait, before you push me off stage…I just have one more thing to say… Grace and Michael, Mommy won! You can go to bed now!

Okay, I may have gone a little overboard. But I am just tickled as a pickle to have received my very first BLOGGING AWARD from a fellow blogger. Leslie at Simply Better nominated me for the Liebster Blog Award. What is the Liebster Blog Award you ask? Beats me. So I looked it up, and it seems that liebster means favorite in German. Basically this is a “favorite blog award” given to up and coming bloggers. I kindly thank Leslie for naming this as one of her favorite blogs.

As part of the rules, I am supposed to list 11 facts about me, answer 11 questions posed by Leslie, chose 3-5 other bloggers to pass this award onto, and create 11 questions for them to answer. This is sounding a bit like a blogging chain letter, but far be it from me to break a chain letter. We already know my issues with anxiety. I don’t want to tempt fate that I will be unlucky in love for 17 years or that some little girl in Hoot Owl, Oklahoma will die of a rare disease caused by an allergic reaction to Fruity Pebbles. So here it goes…

Eleven Facts About Me:

#1 I took a direct hit of bird poop standing in the parking lot of my son’s preschool a few weeks ago. It looked a lot like creamed spinach, which was a shame…because I really like creamed spinach. #2 I washed the exact same load of laundry three times last week because I kept forgetting to switch it to the dryer, leaving it to get all moldy smelling overnight. #3 My dog has a long-lost lesbian lover. (Ooh, I just got an idea for another blog post!) #4 As a freshman in high school, I won a commercial writing contest by composing a rap urging kids to stay in school. Yes, I was a white girl from suburbia writing a rap. No, I have no soul or funk. But they aired the commercial anyway. I have yet to find out if I ever convinced anyone to stay in school.

#5 I volunteered to be the leader of my daughter’s girl scout troop over two years ago because of my love for sit-upons. Ironically, we have not made any sit-upons. #6 I am working on a children’s book, but at a painstakingly slow pace. I hope it will be worth the wait. Scratch that. I just hope I finish it. #7 I love being in old buildings steeped in history. I imagine people of different eras inhabiting them. And I secretly like the idea that they just might be haunted. #8 I find it impressive that my husband can construct blast-proof, tornado-proof, and hurricane-proof windows. Yet at the same time, he can’t construct a decent-looking outfit. #9 I sadly took a bit of pride in the fact that while watching an episode of the old 90′s show Dinosaurs, I pointed out that the voice of Baby Sinclair was done by Kevin Clash, the same guy who voices Elmo. I am Mensa material. #10 If I could marry any character from a Christmas movie, it would be Buddy the Elf, though I bet the Ghost of Christmas Present is a pretty fun guy. #11 I am too boring to have eleven interesting facts about me.

The Answers to Leslie’s Questions for Me:

#1 What was your favorite childhood memory? Probably playing Barbies on Saturday mornings with my sister…and using reverse psychology on my little brother to convince him we didn’t want to play with his hair. And then he would let us play with his hair.

#2 Favorite memory of your teenage years? Still playing with my brother’s hair. Just kidding. He usually smelled like kid sweat by then. Um, I would say weekend hangouts with my friends, particularly if they involved Steak ‘n’ Shake, Victoria’s Ice Cream parlour, cheese balls, and/or grape soda. Oh, and drama-filled fights between at least two people. We could party, ya’ll.

#3 Do you know Jesus Christ personally? Well, He still hasn’t accepted my friend request on Facebook…sooooo…that’s a little awkward. Especially since we like totally met a gazillion times at church, had a couple of classes together, and He sat next to me when my flight from New Orleans went through a crazy big storm and I thought I was going to die. And there was that time at my First Communion when He was all like, “We’re so connected. I feel like we’re one body.” So, I guess the answer is yes. But I still wish He would accept my friend request. I know His birthday is coming up, and I have the best photo of a cat blowing out candles that I want to post on His wall.

#4 What is your favorite book series? I’m not much of a series follower. I only read the first Harry Potter book. I know. Deal with it. I do enjoy each and every Sandra Boynton book I read to my kids, if that counts. But my favorite book of all time is To Kill a Mockingbird because it reveals something new to me every time I read it. And I have read it a LOT.

#5 What song reminds you of summer time? Winter Wonderland. I know. It’s weird.

#6 Who is your hero? That’s a tough one. I mean, Superman can fly and has that crazy alien strength, but there is just something about Batman’s gruff voice that says, “You ain’t dying today, sweet thing.” So I’m going to go with Batman. And Oprah…because all women are required to say her under our female code.

#7 Who do you admire and why? This is thankfully a very long list, because it means I have encountered a lot of amazing people in my life. But topping the list would be my grandparents. All four have set real, tangible examples of ways to live my life in a way I can be proud of. See? And you thought I couldn’t be serious.

#8 Do you like to travel? Where have you been? I do, although I don’t really like flying. But I do love a good road trip. I have traveled to California, Nevada, Arizona, Texas, Michigan, Ohio, Illinois, Tennessee, Florida, Louisiana, South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, Maine and all kinds of places within Missouri. I have also been to England, France, and Italy. The place I would most love to travel in the future is Ireland.

#9 What is your favorite quote or bible verse? A lot of Catholics are notorious for sucking at knowing bible verses off the top of our heads. Other Christian denominations could totally wipe the floor with us in a Bible Verse Academic Bowl. So I will just go with a regular old quote instead, albeit a very wise one about thinking before you speak and choosing your words carefully. It was said by my daughter when she was three: “Mom, I said ‘oh pickles,’ but I was thinking ‘damn it.'”

#10 How long have you been married? Is it what you thought it would be like? My husband and I have been married for ten years. I think it is more or less what I thought it would be. There are always things you can’t even imagine or expect at the beginning. But at the end of the day, I am still with my best friend. And that is what counts.

#11 Why do you blog? Because I got tired of people telling me, “you should start a blog.” Then I got started, and gosh darn if I didn’t actually enjoy it. So I will continue to do it as long as I enjoy it, or if someone starts paying me to do it. Mark my word: I will sellout.

So now it is my turn to pass the honor along. I hereby bestow the Liebster Blog Award upon:

#1 Perspectives In Writing and Editing: Blogger Maggie can not only find some really creative ways to make a point, but she also needs this push to start doing it more often. In her defense, she did just release this book I may have mentioned called Milk Diaries and spends a lot of her free time being a gifted editor. But those are pretty lame excuses if you ask me.

#2 23thorns: I don’t remember exactly when I discovered this blog, but I do remember the exact post that made me fall in love with it. “Love. And Bacon.” This guy has a razor sharp sense of humor about a lot of various topics. And he is a terrific writer on top of it. I even enjoy reading his posts about nature and wildlife, something Jack London himself couldn’t make me do. I mean, who wants to read about a guy trying to build a fire for an entire story? Not me. But a post about cleverly book-titled soaps and other products? Yes, I believe I would love to read that.

#3 Snide Reply: First, she’s a teacher. So I already like her. But then she goes and says stuff that just makes sense sometimes. Or makes me laugh about Christmas decorations. Or gets me thinking all philosophically…and stuff. It’s like a good mixed tape.

And here are my questions for these three nominated bloggers (ha! Suckers!):

#1 What is something about you that your blogging public doesn’t know? #2 What do you find to be the most rewarding part of blogging? #3 What do you find to be the most frustrating part of blogging? #4 Do you have a go-to when you are in need of writing inspiration? #5 What is the best thing that has ever happened to you? #6 What do you hope readers get out of your blog? #7 Who do you find to be the most overrated author? #8 What would you do with a purple brick? #9 If you could be any character from literature, who would you be? #10 Team Twilight or Team I Don’t Give a Crap? #11 Can God make a burrito so hot that even He couldn’t eat it?

Whew! So there you have it folks. This concludes the First Annual Are You Finished Yet Blogging Awards. Thanks again to Leslie at Simply Better for gracing me with this honor. You should head over to her blog for a lot of great tips on living more fully and some fun giveaways. She also has two ebooks available: Buried Treasure and Mother’s Manifesto.

I think next time I might see if Billy Crystal is available.

When I was in the first grade, I told everyone that Michael Jackson was my cousin. Before you get too excited, that statement is unequivocally false. I have no idea why I said it. Could I have already felt the push to be cool even as a fledgling student? Anyway, an immediate divide occurred among my classmates: my supporters versus my non-supporters. Heated debates on the playground raged as to whether a black person and a white person could be related. At this point, I am sure I felt pretty caught in the lie, and I fessed up to the truth. Surprisingly, I was not shunned as a crooked liar for those next eight years that I coexisted with these children. Some, even in the face of defeat, continued to argue in my favor that I could be Michael Jackson’s cousin if we traced my family tree back far enough.

Does the story sound familiar? I think it does. We hear it all the time. Nixon, Clinton, Blagojevich, Spitzer, Craig, Edwards, and most recently Weiner. A politician lies (which means he’s breathing – hehe), the country goes at each other’s throats trying to prove their side is right, the politician admits to the lie, some people argue that the lie is irrelevant anyway, and eventually we all move on. All the while, real problems go unsolved.

abraham lincoln — Sorry, Honest Abe. Politics ain’t what they used to be.

It will be a rare occurrence that I blog about politics…unless it is a rant against the politics keeping The Monkees out of The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (I told you they would pop up now and again – see my page “Why I Like Bananas“). I am not much for politics. In my opinion, politics are what is wrong with government. Too much “my side is right,” not enough, “let’s see if we can compromise.” Too much abuse of power, not enough empowering the country. Too much feeling I am above the law, not enough making laws that will help our people. It’s enough to cause disillusion. And that’s about where I am at with the whole thing; I have a feeling a good portion of the country is behind me.

I am aware there are people who will chide me for my apathy. I know I should care more. I know I should read more newspapers and less Sandra Boynton. I know I should watch more CNN and watch less Real Housewives. I know I should, but I don’t. I am glad there are people out there still passionate about politics, because we obviously need someone to run this country. I just wish more of the sincere, level-headed citizens of that passionate crop were the ones elevated to office: more Atticus Finches and less Svengalis. Perhaps there will come a time when I find the desire to change a crooked system. After all, my mom, who I pretty much never heard utter even the word “politics” growing up, has now become seriously active in a political campaign. Her kids all moved out, and she decided it was time to put her mark on the larger world. Maybe that will happen to me…maybe.

In the meantime, I will likely tune out when the news anchor reports on the latest politician caught in a scandal. I will get a queasy feeling when I hear a Democrat and Republican calling each other idiots for having a difference of opinion. And I will head to the polls only to stare at the ballot and sigh, because I don’t like any of my choices.

Now I think I might go listen to “Christ for President” by Wilco and ponder what life would be like with Atticus Finch as president…and Michael Jackson as my cousin.