Confessions of Childhood: My Barbie Was a Floozy

Saturday mornings were strictly reserved for three things at my house when I was growing up. Cereal. Cartoons. And Barbies. In that order. After stuffing our bellies with Rice Krispies and catching up with the “Muppet Babies” and “The Snorks,” my sister and I would retreat to our room for hours of play with America’s beloved doll.

But there is something I feel the need to confess after so many years Continue reading “Confessions of Childhood: My Barbie Was a Floozy”

Kids’ Shows Are Annoying…And They Should Be

Hey moms and dads. I know you know where I’m coming from. It is the background music to the soundtrack of this phase of our lives. I’m talking about kids’ shows. And I believe they fall under the genre of annoying.

But why wouldn’t they be? Their target audience is kids…and to be blunt, kids are annoying.

It is hard not to get irritated Continue reading “Kids’ Shows Are Annoying…And They Should Be”

How Can We Be Lovers…If You Find Out I Went to See a Michael Bolton Concert?

It really shouldn’t be held against me. I was only a kid. How was I expected to know any better? We’re all allowed to make bad decisions in our lives. The important thing is that I learned from the situation.

My name is Kelly, and my first concert was Michael Bolton. With my mom.

And let’s be clear. It was not Continue reading “How Can We Be Lovers…If You Find Out I Went to See a Michael Bolton Concert?”

Shocker: E.L. James Took NONE of My Suggestions

Twitter and Facebook feeds are blowing up. A cure for cancer? Nope. Peace declared in Syria? Uh-uh. Finally an Ikea in St. Louis? There are rumors, but nothing confirmed. No, the breaking news heard ’round the world is that the roles for the movie adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey have been cast. Hear me *squee*…………….Did you hear me?…….oh wait. That’s right. I couldn’t give a whip and chain.

Aside from the fact that I didn’t recognize any of the actors Continue reading “Shocker: E.L. James Took NONE of My Suggestions”

I Am Now In Charge of All Things Retro

Anyone who knows me well is aware I am drawn to most things retro. “Saved By the Bell enthusiast. Check. Fan of a boy band from a bygone generation. Check. An aversion to all gaming systems that aren’t the original Nintendo. Check. Clothes in my closet from not only college, but high school…that I still wear. Check. Being someone who lived during the “olden times,” Continue reading “I Am Now In Charge of All Things Retro”

Perry Tries to Poach More Than Eggs in the St. Louis August Heat

August in St. Louis typically feels like wearing long underwear in a sauna. It’s sweaty and sticky, and sometimes too oppressive to even breathe. Typically. But this August has been anything but typical. I would venture to call it downright lovely. Even recently, when temperatures did break into the nineties, I have found it hard to be all “holy-crap-Dante-must-have-written-Inferno-sitting-under-The-Arch.” St. Louis is a nice place to be, and I felt a little sorry for my husband when he called from his trip in Austin, Texas this past weekend to Continue reading “Perry Tries to Poach More Than Eggs in the St. Louis August Heat”

How MTV Led Me to Tulsa, Oklahoma

I was one of those savagely underprivileged children who did not have cable growing up. Thankfully, I had grandparents who did, and it was at their house where I would gorge myself on Nickelodeon shows likeMr. Wizard” and “You Can’t Do That On Television” to hold me over until my next visit. And, like any good red-blooded preteen of the time, I wanted my MTV.

mtvIn the mid-80’s, MTV was a fantastic bizarre of sequins, neon, hairspray, androgyny, and synthesizers. I didn’t care that Boy George Continue reading “How MTV Led Me to Tulsa, Oklahoma”

Never Defend a Kardashian

I should have known it was going to come back to bite me in the extremely round and prominent rear end. I mean, it IS Kim Kardashian. Two weeks ago I proclaimed Kim K. to be “The Patron Saint of Puffy Preggos Everywhere.” While I feel my reasoning is still sound, I distinctly remember ending the post with this statement:

“Now, when Kim flaunts her post-baby body in a skimpy bikini on the cover of some magazine in a few months, I request to be traded to a different team. Because I’m Continue reading “Never Defend a Kardashian”

Radio Roulette

rouletteWhen I was growing up, listening to the radio in the car with my dad followed one rule: his car, his choice. But I never knew where exactly that choice was going to land as a cacophony of song snippets whirled in and out of my ears. My dad worked the car radio (and the television, for that matter) like a roulette wheel Continue reading “Radio Roulette”

Kim Kardashian: The Patron Saint of Puffy Preggos Everywhere

Disclaimer: I am NOT, under any circumstances, a fan of Kim Kardashian.

Okay, now that I have made that absolutely clear… I decided I am on Team Kim. Wait, whaaaaaaaa?

Let me explain.

I accidentally watched an episode of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” yesterday. And by accidentally I mean I was shamelessly Continue reading “Kim Kardashian: The Patron Saint of Puffy Preggos Everywhere”