Hey Smarty Pants…You’re Not So Smart

I am taking advantage of a short window of time to squeeze in this blog post between visiting the dentist this morning to get cavities filled in BOTH kids (the most fun thing ever) and heading out to see the Lego exhibit at the Missouri Botanical Garden, followed by a Cardinals game. We are in the midst of a very intense week-long “staycation,” seeing as how we opted not to travel this summer. My husband has taken some time off of work, and we are naturally trying to do every.single.possible.thing.in.St.Louis in a span of seven days to assuage our guilt of not taking our kids on vacation like all of their friends. Because our kids are always super appreciative, and never whine, and are completely satisfied by the level of fun we provide for them at the expense of our time, energy, wallets, and sanity. (Remember when I said getting the kids’ cavities filled was the most fun thing ever? Just read that last sentence in the same implied tone.)

So when I say I am squeezing in a blog post, I mean it. Because we are going like gang-busters over here. And since I have already made us late for the Botanical Garden simply typing these two paragraphs, I’m going to recycle a post from bygone years (meaning probably like two years ago) that may as well be about our “staycation” this week. Because no matter where we visit, even if it is the first time we have been there, my kids feel they are experts on everything. 

•••

Isn’t it annoying when someone tries to unsuccessfully retell an extremely funny joke they heard? Well, get ready to be annoyed, because I’m about to do just that.

So there was this comedian whose name I can’t remember, who told this joke I can’t exactly recall, that went something like this:

A boy and his dad are at the zoo, and the boy asks the name of an animal he sees. The dad says it’s a jaguar. Then the boy says no, it’s a tiger. No, it’s a jaguar. No, it’s a tiger. This argument goes on until the dad questions whom to believe: the one with the college degree or the one who can’t wipe his own butt.

I know. I totally butchered it. But I swear it was funny. I even wasted an insane amount of time searching the internet trying to find it. Then I remembered these little things called priorities and decided my Cliff’s Notes version will have to do.

ANYWAY…My husband and I obviously found this to be a hysterical joke, and it was made all the more poignant when we took our own trip to the zoo, pointed out a jaguar to Michael, and he said the words, “No, that’s a tiger.” Ah, life imitating art. I believe this also falls into one of my subcategories of stupid questions asked by my children.

My kids continue to have completely unwarranted confidence in their knowledge about, well, everything. Take our recent trip to the World Bird Sanctuary. The following are exact quotes that were spoken from the lips of Michael:

Other notable quotes:

Me: “Those are Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches.”                                                     Michael: “No, they’re beetles.”

Michael: “Pigeons are skinny.”

It is also worth mentioning that while Michael insisted on wearing a shirt that says “Happy Birthday to Me,” it was most definitely NOT his birthday.

I used to think it was my duty as a mother to correct these misguided thoughts. But I have finally learned it is just easier not to argue…and instead wait for them to repeat one of these “facts” at school and get laughed at by the other kids. That will teach them the truth AND toughen them up at the same time. See what I did there? I just killed two birds with one stone.

No, it’s a rock.

Thank God kids can’t edit Wikipedia pages.

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8 thoughts on “Hey Smarty Pants…You’re Not So Smart

  1. Dying over here. Oh how I remember those days! Gotta tell ya – things haven’t changed much in 20 years with my kids. They still think they know everything. I might have to start pointing my finger and laughing at them, seeing as the “nurturing” thing didn’t seem to make much of an impression on their parental opinion.

    One of my favorites was when my son declared there was a “state called Chicken” when he meant a “country called Turkey”….

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  2. I don’t care how old this post is, the truth is the truth and never gets old! My son just told me yesterday that he needs some time away from me. I informed him that he’s about to start kindergarten and he’s going to have a lot of time away from me. He replied “I was thinking just a day. A day away from you would do me good.” I can’t decide if he’s brilliant or…I have no idea. I’m sure some day I’m going to miss answering his questions only to have him respond, “But how do you know?”

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    1. That is so funny. Where do they come up with this stuff? I love that you told him he would have plenty of time away from you soon…which works out well for us mom’s too 🙂 I am ready for their teachers to start fielding all these know-it-all comments.

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