Goosed By a Minion

posted in: Culture | 0

Helen of Troy was irresistible to kings, princes, and, rumor has it, a thousand ships. Delilah was so alluring that Samson couldn’t help but divulge the secret of his hair. And me? Well, apparently I am officially a pin-up girl for cartoon characters.

By now, many of you know about my sordid past with Chuck E. Cheese. For those of you who don’t, the story, in a nutshell, is that he once hit on me. If you would like to read exactly how that transpired, because you know you do, check out the post “Chuck E. Cheese Could Have Been Your Father.” Then you can chase that with the sequel, “A Suburban Horror Story: The Return of Chuck E.,” about my run-in with the mouse years later at my son’s birthday party. This is a really proud chapter in my life.

Anyway, capturing the affections of the mascot for a chain restaurant does a lot for the ego. Obviously. So imagine how flattered I was at the closing dance party for the BlogHer ’15: Experts Among Us conference in New York City when I found myself with a new admirer: a minion.

Seriously, folks. WHAT THE HELL?

It started innocently enough. The party was being hosted by McDonald’s, and they were doing things up right. I’m talking free McNuggets, people. And vodka-spiked McCafe drinks. (Holy crap…I just dropped a whole lot of “Mc-this” and “Mc-that” considering this is NOT a sponsored post.) Also being doled out by the handfuls were the Despicable Me Minion Happy Meal toys. I found this to be extremely convenient, as I was able to come home, hand over all the figures my son hasn’t collected yet, and say, “There. Now we don’t have to set foot in McDonald’s again for at least a few weeks.” It was a bigger prize than snatching one of the roses being tossed by Boyz II Men as they crooned “I’ll Make Love To You” later in the evening (check out my Instagram video of it here).

If that wasn’t enough to make me Mom of the Year, I was soon presented with an opportunity I could not pass up. All of a sudden, three life-sized minions appeared on the dance floor. And from the reaction of this party full of women, you’d think the surprise guests were, well, Boyz II Men. There was a swarm in their direction. I’m guessing that everyone else had the same idea as me: if I can get a picture with one of the little yellow Tic Tacs, I will have instant cool points with my kids. So that’s what I did.

However, the minions weren’t just standing there in prime photo-op position. They were actually dancing…to Pharrell’s “Happy” and Outkast’s “Hey Ya.” Um, AWE-SOME.  Yet I soon found out minions have zero peripheral vision, so they didn’t always know when someone was trying to snap a photo with them. Consequently, there was a lot of dodging and moving and trying to get just the right shot with these adorable moving targets. Mostly, I was just trying to get a picture of me with anything BUT their backsides.

At one point, I thought it would be fun to have a photo of me dancing with the minions. My friend Emily obliged, snapping one after another. There I was, shakin’ it like a Polaroid picture, when it happened…

A large, cartoonish hand on my buttocks. I had just been goosed by a minion.Goosed

And thanks to Emily, I have photographic proof. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing…but it’s a thing. My thing. The thing that makes me irresistible to cartoon characters.

It looks like Chuck E. Cheese finally has some competition. And he should be very, very worried. I’m not sure a rodent can stand any sort of chance up against a guy who looks like the world’s largest Twinkie. I do enjoy a good cream filling.

…Um, I was talking about actual cream filling, guys. You’re disgusting.

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0 Responses

  1. sistersara

    I had no idea the minions had names and could be distinguished in any way – I guess I don’t pay enough attention while the kids are watching it over and over and over and over! 😉

    • The only reason I know their names is because we just saw the Minion Movie, and those three are the main characters. Otherwise, yeah, I couldn’t tell them apart!

  2. That is awesome! So, how happy was your kid when you showed him pictures of you with the minions? I can image he was ecstatic! Also, I’ve found that all people that dress up as cartoon characters are typically pervs.

  3. In his defense, he only has one eye…

  4. Wow you got action at Blog Her?! Way to go mama! I’ll have to read your Chuck E Cheese posts…I won’t go near that place!

    • Who would have thought? Although, I’m not sure I should be proud of that action. Now, if I had been goosed by Boyz II Men, that would be another story!

  5. Wow. Kevin got you in the front and the back!!! He truly has the hots for you, darling.

  6. Ha ha ha!!!! Ever-boddy wanna piece of your brilliance!!

  7. Hey Beavus, she said “cream filling…” he he he… What a fun night it was!

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