The Mother’s Day Hierarchy

posted in: Holidays, Kids, Parenting | 17

Mother’s Day. I recall being a kid and feeling a little jealous that moms got their very own holiday (because kids are too dumb to realize the national children’s holiday is just called “Life.”) I wanted to be a part of that club who got to go through the dinner line first and unwrap gifts on a day that wasn’t Christmas or my birthday. I just knew that once I became a mom, I would have it made in the shade every time the second Sunday of May rolled around.

Little did I know.

The advent of your first bumbling baby may give you the right to be celebrated on Mother’s Day. But what most new moms don’t realize is that there is a certain seniority at play. You aren’t immediately granted a free pass to a day of complete leisure and pampering. That has to be earned through the ranks of what I like to call “The Hierarchy of Mother’s Day.”icecream

Level 1: The New Mom

You will probably get some nice jewelry from your husband, but just don’t even think about putting “sleeping in” on your wish list, especially if you’re nursing. Babies can’t read the universal memo, RE: Mom is Off the Clock Today. And they usually pick Mother’s Day as one of those “special” times when the touch, voice, glance, or even presence of anyone but Mom induces whines, tantrums, and neck clawing. So I hope you like that birthstone necklace. It’s all you’re getting this year.

Level 2: The Mom of Little People

Pinterest was invented for you. Keepsake plates decorated with your children’s adorable artwork. Footprints immortalized in garden stones. Ornaments of your children’s silhouettes. Jewelry charms made from precious fingerprints. Except YOU won’t be the one getting these gifts, because, duh…dads don’t do Pinterest. GRANDMA is going to be the lucky recipient of all these thoughtful and sentimental goodies. YOU will be the one busting your ass to get them all made while your kids try to shove quick-dry cement up their noses and stick their tongues out every time you try to snap a photo of their profiles. Then you get to dress the kids in their Sunday best (because again, duh, dads don’t do fashion) and herd them all to church before heading over to the big extended family celebration with your pot luck side dish (because, you guessed it, dads and Pinterest).  But don’t worry. You are still going to have hella appreciation heaped upon you. Get ready for some pancakes with “secret” ingredients, construction paper cards with indecipherable writing, and glitter. Damn it.

Level 3: The Mom of Teens

During Level 2, you would have given your Target Redcard for everyone to leave the house for the day so you could have some uninterrupted peace and quiet. Now in Level 3, that’s all you get…because everyone is apparently hanging out at Taylor’s house breaking in her new pool table. Well, there was that text you got that says “HMD *heart emoticon, kissy face emoticon, taco emoticon.*

Level 4: The Mom of Adult Children

Mother’s Day is becoming a sweeter affair by now. Your kids make money of their own and can finally start giving you something that doesn’t have a handprint on it. You may even get to be doubly celebrated as a mom AND and grandma, so there are bonus presents. But since your kids are likely busy being parents of tiny tots, working long hours, or just being self-absorbed d-bags (because there’s always one), everyone still looks to you for “the plan.” And it’s just as well, since your own 83-year-old mother broke her hip when she tripped over a Lego castle the last time she was at your daughter’s house, and she might catch any number of communicable diseases if the celebration is held at your son’s bachelor pad.

Level 5: The Eldest Matriarch

You’ve made it to the only level of The Mother’s Day Hierarchy where you don’t have to lift one.damn.finger. Everyone owes YOU. The party’s not at your house. You don’t have to cook a freakin’ thing. You’re first in line to eat. Good news: you are the Queen Supreme of all the Mothers. Bad news: that means your mom is dead.

Son of b. Looks like Mother’s Day kind of sucks for everyone.

Do you like your Mother’s Day with just a hint of truthful snark? Then you are going to LOVE these new cards designed by myself and three other über talented ladies: Emily of The Waiting, Meredith of Pile of Babies, and Ashley, writer at Mommyish. Emily had this great idea to put our heads together to create a Mother’s Day collection of cards that speak to the “real” and often hilarious side of motherhood. You know, non-Hallmark approved. We even made it so you can purchase and download any of these cards at our Etsy store to give to all the mamas in your life. Even better, 100% of the proceeds will be donated to an organization called Every Mother Counts, an non-profit that works to provide safe pregnancies and childbirth for women all over the world who don’t have access to the care and resources they need. So not only do you get to have a laugh at these cards, but your purchase also helps to ensure other mothers get the chance to find the humor in motherhood.

Here’s a sneak peak at the three cards I contributed to the collection:

mothers day cardmothers daymothers day

To see the rest of the collection, go check them out on Emily’s blog, The Waiting, or head over to the Etsy store and get your own copies!

Happy Mother’s Day to all who celebrate it!

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17 Responses

  1. Oh my goodness! This is a GREAT post. Mother’s Day is so highly-overrated for almost every mother I know…and now I know why. 🙂

  2. I think Fathers Day is pretty awesome for my husband. Mothers Day is hit or miss. Hilarious post!

  3. Mothers day is not only special for all the mothers but it is equally important for the children as doing something for your parents helps you recognize your self worth, that now you are capable of taking care of those who took care of you earlier..love you mom! lovely post 🙂

    • That is a great point!! And I have to say, I do love seeing how excited my kids get at the thought of “pampering” me. You can see their intentions so clearly.

  4. Great post and SO true! This is why I always pick out my own Mother’s Day gift. My husband started yesterday with — “I’m gonna line up a full day of house hunting with a real estate agent on Saturday and then on Sunday we’ll get our place in order so you can meet with the agent here the beginning of next week.” I was all — “uh uh, Buddy. Hello, Mother’s Day.” I quickly made plans with friends for Saturday. Hope he and the kids have fun with the real estate agent cause that’s my idea of hell, and it most certainly is not how I’m going to spend Mother’s Day weekend.

  5. You left something out. Not only do you need to do all the Mother’s Day gifts, celebrations, etc for your mom but also for your motherinlaw. Of course your husband can’t even remember to call his own mother without you reminding him much less pick out or help the kids make a gift. And who looks bad if she is forgotten? Of course not her baby boy!!!

  6. Hmmm, hierarchy: that makes me really… high! 😉 I’ll be thinking of you all day today, Kelly. Listen to Your Mother, kick ass girlfriend!! xox

  7. I’m late to this post but it was awesome!

  8. What a fun article! Man oh man, being a mom is sure…. something!

    Here’s a haiku I wrote with Mother’s Day in mind:

    Mom is off duty

    tonight. Dad will cook for you

    (just order pizza).

    https://micbab.wordpress.com/

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