Hi. My Name is Kelly. And I’m a Trend Killer.

A few months ago I wrote about my plan to dethrone the Rainbow Loom and offered multiple suggestions for new, cost-free, eco-friendly fads. Little did I know I needn’t spend all that creative energy trying to end the trend of jewelry made from glorified orthodontic rubber bands. I had unknowingly already set that wrecking ball into motion with the simple act of purchasing the Rainbow Loom.

I am not on the cutting edge of anything. Let me give you a few examples. When I finally got a smartphone, I was attracted to the oldest model they sold, which was on the precipice of extinction. My favorite band hit their height of popularity before I was even born. And when it comes to buying the latest greatest must-have item for my children, I am usually out of the loop until they finally clue me in and then beg for it forever…and by forever, I mean until the next gift-giving occasion comes along. How am I expected to be on top of every new trend, seeing as how I am clearly too busy watching Netflix marathons of television shows like Lost for the first time? You know, shows that everyone else was watching from 2004-2010.

So no sooner did my daughter have a Very Rainbow Loom Christmas than it suddenly became passé to make rubber band jewelry. And the looms that were once exempt from all the hobby store coupons, I now see littering clearance tables.

Figures.

For this reason, I should have known the outcome when my daughter began requesting something called Thinking Putty.

“But, Mom, EVERYONE in my class has it. It’s so cool. And it helps you THINK. My friends say it has made them get better grades at school.”  I’m so sure. 

“Mom! Lucy just got a new can of the heat sensitive Thinking Putty. And she ALREADY has the metallic and the crystal putty. And I have zero putty. When am I going to get some putty?” Can somebody tell Lucy’s mom to cut that sh*t out? Valentine’s day is still three weeks away, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to give her designer play-doh simply to celebrate a Thursday. 

“I’m the least popular kid at school. All because you won’t buy me Thinking Putty.” Or maybe it’s because you whine too much. 

Finally, I bit the bullet. Happy Valentine’s Day, Grace. Here’s some freakin’ putty. Now go be the smartest and most popular kid in your class. But OH WAIT! That’s right. Because now that I have finally found a gift-giving reason to shell out fifteen dollars for a tub of goo that is apparently God’s gift to passing spelling tests, no one is playing with it anymore.

It’s time to face facts. I’m a TREND KILLER.

Now, this is not great news for me, as it means I will likely continue to shell out money for fads that will be as good as dead on arrival before I even receive my credit card statement. But this is good news for YOU. When the next thing that is all the rage comes along, just do your best to hold out. Stave off your kids for as long as you can, because eventually, I will probably buy it and it will suddenly be on the outs. Your kids will no longer want it, and you will never have to spend a dime.

Oh, and a head’s up: I just bought Grace two Lululemon headbands for her birthday last week. So if your Easter Bunny was going to have to brave walking into that store and subject herself to being helped by size zero twenty-somethings in skin-tight yoga pants who give a “that explains it” smile when she tells them she just needs to pick up a few headbands and isn’t looking for an $88 pair of workout shorts, well, I just saved your Easter Bunny a trip. Because by my calculations, those headbands will be out of style before you start dying eggs.

You.are.welcome.

lululemon
Someone thinks she’s hot stuff.

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54 Responses

  1. Me too..I am with you on this. i think I even wrote about it though I can’t remember why. haha! I am always about 2 years behind the clothing trends or hairstyles. But for me it isn’t always because I don’t know about it, it is because I think the trends are always so ridiculous when I first learn of them. Then over time I get brainwashed and by the time I am fully turned, the trend ends 😉 We’re always a bit vintage, right? Like a fine wine.

  2. I think you should start buying all kinds of Bieber stuph. Like…now.

  3. “I’ll be damned if I’m going to give her designer play-doh simply to celebrate a Thursday.” This made me laugh!! I was unaware how uncool you were. Hmm, maybe I need to rethink this blogging friendship. Nah, we’re good! Seems as if sense of humor and authenticity win out on my scale 😉

  4. Hysterical! I never gave in to the rainbow loom – as a teacher those stinking bracelets and rings and necklaces were banned from the classroom because inevitably they BREAK and then you have the orthodontic rubber bands all over the floor and crying kids to boot! AND my house is messy enough, I don’t need two billion tiny rubber bands floating around because I KNOW they would be! I love being a trend killer!! And my kid is still alive & kicking after never having a rainbow loom! Yay!

    • All those poor teachers who have to deal with this stuff. The Thinking Putty got banned in my daughter’s class. I don’t blame you for not wanting to deal with it at home as well!

  5. “Can somebody tell Lucy’s mom to cut that %^&* out?” I have a whole list of names to add to that comment. These parents kill me. I’m not judging them, but I remember moms on Facebook frantically trying to find out where to buy Silly Bandz years ago. These people were driving all over town to buy out the stock wherever they could find them! What?????? Craziness! I’m with you, I don’t buy my kids stuff just because they want it or because everyone has it, I will wait for an occasion. Although, I will say, I want to be the one to come up with the next crazy trend! I hadn’t heard about the Putty or the Lululemon headbands. Luckily my kids are somewhat behind on what the new trend is. I usually hear about it from moms on Facebook first! This was hilarious!!!

    • Oh yes…Silly Bandz. My kids had some, but thankfully were too little to really get obsessed with them. I’m glad I’m not the only mom who is always late to the bandwagon. I think there is a really good reason we get along on our blogs so well :)

  6. I’m glad you’re around – someone needs to kill stupid trends… I tend to be the one to start taking a class or attending a something that has been around since Methuselah and then it stops… I always felt I was the killer of any long standing institution.

  7. I think if you killed The Lego Movie, my nine year old cousin would cease to exist.

  8. You might have a good career opportunity working for the competitors of trend-selling companies…

  9. What the heck is thinking putty? You can tell I don’t have kids!

    This reminded me of c.2002. My friend and I started noticing everyone buying pointy-toe shoes. We thought they were hideous and made a pact never to own pointy-toe shoes. Fast forward a dozen years. I’ve been wanting a pair of brown slouchy boots without a huge heel. We’re at the K-mart in town that is going out of business and what do you know? They have them for $20! But wait a second…they have a pointy toe! I tried them all and reasoned, “well, they’re not SOOOO hideous” and proceeded to break my pact by buying the pointy-toe boots. A dozen years after everyone else was doing it. Please don’t tell my friend.

  10. I hate to break it to you but I still don’t have a smart phone – I tell everyone I am not smart enough. I just love my old non-smart phone, so easy to use but several of the keys on the touch pad are starting to fail on me – like the “p” in the upper right corner and also the delete key. So if I make a mistake I have to start all over. I am close to giving in, very close.
    My I-pad of 3 years is so old, the original, that I cannot find a cover for it anymore anywhere.
    I caved on the thinking putty a while back because I was told by my son that he was the only one not to have any, should’ve known to check on your thinking putty status.
    Hate to break it to you but the very overly priced LuLu Lemon headbands are relatively good quality, my freshman has been wearing them since 7th grade when of course she was the last one to have any and I of course waited for an event to give her any… great minds think alike!!

    • Yep…next time you hear “everyone else has one” you be sure to check with me. Because Grace probably doesn’t have one 😉 We can stand our ground together! And yeah, Lululemon. They are nice headbands. They better be. However, I will say they don’t stay in place like everyone says they do. G’s usually ends up near the back of her head.

  11. I actually think the headbands are cute, but then I bought POGS for my girls. Google them if you are too young to know what they are, and don’t judge.

    • I am not too young…my brother had TONS of them. I think I may have even had a few. And yes, the headbands are cute, but overpriced. People will go on and on about the good quality, but it’s still just a headband in my book.

  12. Lucy’s mom is compensating for something.

    Does it make you feel better to know I have not seem those headbands? Or that I still haven’t seen frozen? If you kill trends, I’m the jogger that stumbles upon their corpses.

  13. Dave and I do the opposite. We get really excited about something, have to scour the earth to find more of it, spend lots of money on it because it’s rare and special, get a lot of flack because no one understands what the heck we’re doing… and then when we lose interest, poof. It’s everywhere. Cheap, available, and worn by everyone. We’re so sick of it by then that we don’t wanna talk about it, and all of it has even less value than normal… and then we get lots of flack for NOT being into it anymore. Sigh. Thank goodness we don’t have kids. It’d just be exponentially more expensive.

    On the bright side, we’re so consistent, that we actually sell our trend-predictions based entirely on how bored we are of something, 😉

  14. I am so glad trends are completely above Cee’s head right now. I am dreading it when she starts demanding inane garbage because I am infamous for my proclivity to cave. Toy companies thrive because of people like me.

    Has Grace gotten into Frozen? I feel like every little girl in the entire country is obsessed with that movie right now.

    • Both of my kids like Frozen, but nothing obsessive. We did just get the DVD, and I will admit to wanting to watch it just as much as them. So let me be clear…I’m totally okay with trends that fit into the realm of what I like and want to do. :) Those aren’t really trends. Those are things of brilliance.

  15. I totally feel the same way about myself. Maybe what you need to do is stick to your guns and not give in at the last second. Because, maybe it is really the last second. 😉

  16. This made me chuckle out loud (COL) start to finish… I think we parent in similar ways… I just didn’t know my status as a trend killer, when I was in the middle of it. 😉 Hilarious!

  17. Thinking putty? It sounds like something you’d put on top of a pet rock to see if it’ll come to life.

    Back when I was in 6th grade and walking to school uphill both ways, wearing “feathers” was the big thing. They were these things with feathers on the end of leather cords, with a convenient clip so you could attach them to your school uniform. You could buy them at the hardware store for less than a buck. Because they were roach clips.

    At my school, you could get detention for wearing tan shoes instead of brown, but accessorizing with drug paraphernalia was totally OK.

    Which, OK, maybe thinking putty is an improvement.

    • Ha! Yeah…probably an improvement. That kind of stuff would never fly these days. It would be attack of the mommy blogs and open letters to Huffington Post everywhere.

  18. OMG….this is so me! We have just ‘found out’ about Rainbow Loom in the past few weeks. Now, living in the Middle East means that we get the trends 10 years afterwards…so you can imagine how I’m dealing with the daughter with this one. The putty thingy was the Christmas present…now rotting somewhere, most likely with knitting needles that she HAD to have…!

  19. I loved the Thursday line in which you wouldn’t give it to your daughter just cause. I don’t think may parents these days understand that kids don’t need everything they ask for just because they want it. So thank you for being an awesome parent!

  20. […] She may not have said that if she knew behind my author/illustrator facade is just a mom who never buys the latest trends for her kids and is capable of taking away trick-or-treating on Halloween as a […]

  21. This is…so me. It’s unbelievable. I’m almost always 5-10 years behind the times. Lol.

  22. […] Instagram-filtered memories that inundate the media — social and otherwise. And while I am a self-professed accidental “trend-killer,” my appreciation for the intention behind this movement has led me to risk bringing it to a […]

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