Never Defend a Kardashian

I should have known it was going to come back to bite me in the extremely round and prominent rear end. I mean, it IS Kim Kardashian. Two weeks ago I proclaimed Kim K. to be “The Patron Saint of Puffy Preggos Everywhere.” While I feel my reasoning is still sound, I distinctly remember ending the post with this statement:

“Now, when Kim flaunts her post-baby body in a skimpy bikini on the cover of some magazine in a few months, I request to be traded to a different team. Because I’m still not in bikini shape, and I don’t need her on my bench making me feel bad about it.”

Then at the grocery store yesterday, I saw this:

kim kardashian
P.S. I felt really weird taking a photo of this with my phone in the checkout lane.

Okay, so I smell a fake here as well. Mostly because it’s Star magazine, and they also have a photo they claim to be Kate Middleton posing nude and pregnant, which clearly ISN’T the Duchess when you actually look at the picture. But while I was doing some cursory research to make sure this photo of Kim wasn’t real (because I refuse to let journalism die), I did notice several reports that Kim is planning to reveal her post-baby body in mid-August. Watch me not put that on my calendar.

In other more exciting news, I did finally get around to making the newest “Are You Finished Yet?” music video, called “(I’m Not Your) Live-In Maid.” I posted it last Friday, but because Friday is kind of the black hole day of blogging, you might have missed it. Just in case, you can go check it out HERE. But no biggie if you don’t. I totally don’t care if anyone sees it.

…Did you go watch it yet???? I lied. I really want you to go watch it. Mostly because putting it together was hell on a computer screen, thanks to my outdated system and what was certainly a pushing of the limits of Windows Movie Maker capabilities. There was cussing. And late nights. And tech support. And Googling. And a little crying. And I even got a pimple over it. I fear it really doesn’t live up to the amount of lost hours incurred.  I also think it follows the rule of “the sequel is never as good” in terms of “My Van is Stacked.” But please, if you have ever loved me, just go watch it. You’ll hurt my kids’ feelings otherwise. You don’t want to make children sad, do you? I didn’t think so.

Besides, watching my video will make me feel better about defending Kim Kardashian. I’ve been feeling a little slimy over it, like there’s this film of lip gloss, eyeliner, and tanning oil covering my body.

And now that I think about it, I am a bit uneasy that I signed for a package from Faust & Sons, delivered by a UPS guy who looked eerily like Bruce Jenner.

Crap.

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9 Responses

  1. This whole notion of needing to “reveal” your post-baby body sucks, and I hate it. I was actually just talking about this the other day with my husband. I remember back in the day when Demi Moore did her nudie pregnancy photo shoot, and it was a big deal, but after she had the baby, I don’t remember there being a big thing about her getting her post-baby body back. Did I miss it? When did this trend start? It’s the worst.

    • Amen! I think the trend started when celebrities realized they could get paid for revealing their bikini-ready bods after alarming short periods of time post childbirth.

  2. Your video is so much better than that post baby belly. I didn’t laugh once at KK’s picture!

  3. That picture of her definitely looks fake. It looks like her head was cropped and stuck on someone else’s body. Even if it was, it’s never a fair comparison. Not everyone has money for a personal trainer and people to watch your baby while you work out 8 hrs a day. Or the incentive to lose that weight fast (instead of focusing on your newborn/your health) because you can make headlines and sell a picture of it for tons o money.

  4. I saw that picture of her at the store today too and I got stabby! Ugh. Why am I even surprised that she is pulling this garbage? Also, I hate the phrase “I got my body back” because it makes it sound like a post-baby body isn’t desirable or remotely beautiful and that you have to throw it away. My body is my flabby yet strong mama body, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    • Very excellent point about getting your “body back.” And I cracked up when you confessed to getting “stabby.” Hilarious!!

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