Fashion-Forward? More Like Backward Fashion

Fact: My husband should never be allowed to dress our children.

Let me give you a few solid reasons why:

1. He once sported the follicle phenomenon known as “a tail.”

2. For an extremely short period of time, his ear was pierced (and still might be today if it were not for the good parenting skills of his mother who must have had the psychic foresight to know I would have never dated a 6’6 man who looked like he should be a member of Wham!)

3. In college, he almost got a tattoo of his fraternity letters on his ankle after having a few too many beers at a Pointfest concert. (His mom was not there this time, but thankfully I was and had the psychic foresight, and sober judgement, to know he would have cursed that tattoo every day of his life after turning thirty.)

4. He wears shirts with holes in the armpits, sweatshirts with shredded sleeves,  and thinks putting on something nice means wearing a shirt of the Hawaiian flavor. And most of the clothes he owns are in this condition because he has had them since college, sometimes high school.

Oh, and also because my kids look something like this when he’s in charge of the wardrobe situation (we call it “homeless orphan chic”, and yes, the dirt is usually an added accessory):

Try as I might to instill good fashion sense into Grace and Michael, I fear that my husband’s lack of the fashion gene might have been passed down, or at least severely suppresses any style conscientiousness they may have gotten from me. Especially in Michael’s case. He only ever wants to wear one of two things: what he calls “cool shorts” (which are gym shorts in any form) or his Spiderman costume. Winter, spring, summer and fall, he schleps around in a pair of over-sized yellow rubber boots I got for six dollars at a second-hand shop. And at some point each day, whatever he IS wearing becomes a moot point because he will inevitably end up running around in his underwear (I believe his skivvies made an appearance in an earlier blog post).

 

And then came the Michael haute couture moment…

The silver lining is that one day, I can use these photos against him as payback. Unless he  turns out to be more like his dad, in which case he will probably still be wearing the same stuff.

I will leave you with the most recent fashion creation of The House of G & M. I find the daring mix of fabrics and color to be both modern and progressive. This is a look for kids on the go, who are off trying to find Big Foot in the backyard while being ready to extinguish spontaneous pretend fires set by super villains, or who need to quickly transform for an elegant dinner out with friends at McDonald’s. Nina Garcia on Project Runway might find it a little too pedestrian, but I see a lot of potential here: 

5 Responses

  1. I ask you to be patient with your mother-in-law if you ever see any of Kurt’s outfits during elementary school. Whoever came up with uniforms for kids at school did a great favor for fashion challenged mothers. Also, the thing that squashed the earring phase for Kurt was his grandfather’s threat to leave him out of the will! ( I am glad you caught him before the tat.)

    • Ha!! THANK YOU GRANDPA! Yes, school uniforms are brilliant for so many reasons…that being one of them. And I don’t know if I can fault you too much for his grade school outfits. Everything in the 80’s was pretty hideous, even if you were on trend. But the baby poop yellow jacket paired with the paisley shirt for 8th grade graduation is one of my all-time favorite outfits of his.

  2. […] can construct blast-proof, tornado-proof, and hurricane-proof windows. Yet at the same time, he can’t construct a decent-looking outfit.  #9 I sadly took a bit of pride in the fact that while watching an episode of the old 90′s […]

  3. […] – My son can be rather creative in his dress-up play. He is fearless when it comes to making bold and daring choices. Some of you may remember this ensemble from a previous post: […]

  4. […] I see him do things like play Guitar Hero. I am reminded of his unique taste and style every time my son wears some haphazard concoction of clothing…with snow boots. And of course, my sister and I still mother him. Who else is going to pick […]

  5. […] I didn’t get a real blog post written this week because I spent too much time binge watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt* on Netflix and shopping online for a new area rug after my husband casually mentioned he thought it might be time for a new one. And casually mentioning something like that translates in my head as, “Kelly, I think you should IMMEDIATELY drop everything and spend hours looking at area rugs until you find the perfect one that matches our current decor, but adds just a pop of a new color that we also need new throw pillows for the couch and possibly a new chair. But don’t tell me you’re also shopping for a new chair. Just put a few different options in your wish list basket. And then after we have lived with the new area rug for a month or so and really love it, mention to me that now our chair doesn’t really match the whole new vibe we have going on here. And then I’ll have to say ‘whatever, get a new chair’ …because if you don’t satisfy your obsessive and ongoing need to make over something, you’ll turn your attention to my wardrobe and, damn it, I like my t-shirts from high school with the holes in the armpits.” […]

I'm Listening...Really.